Life as a Quadriplegic Can Still Be Rewarding

Today is Memorial Day and for me, in some sense, it is kind of a personal memorial day because I became disabled as a C5/C6 quadriplegic as a result of a diving accident on Memorial Day in 1987. I have accepted my disability quite well, but for some reason I always feel the need on this day to have some time by myself to reminisce over how my life would have been if I hadn’t become disabled.

When I became disabled, I had just got married and my son was only two months old. At that time it looked as if I had a bright future without worries ahead of me. But my life changed in the blink of an eye when I dove in that swimming pool and broke my neck. You lose a tremendous amount of independence when you become disabled as a quadriplegic. The most frustrating part, I find, is the fact that you have to rely on another person to get you up out of bed in the morning and to help you get back in bed at night. You can never go to bed or get up when you feel like it. Sometimes I would want to pay someone $10,000 if I could have just one day again where I could roll over to my wife when I wake up in the morning and cuddle up with her instead of my wife having to roll over towards me. Then I would get up when I feel I am ready for it and groom and dress myself without the help of anyone else. Next I would go for a hike up in the hills around where I live when the morning is still fresh and later in the day I would go for a long bike ride which I used to love doing, get a beer out of the refrigerator when I come home, open it myself, and take a shower afterward. And in the evening I would want to surprise my wife with a nice meal which I prepared myself from scratch because I used to love to cook. I would also have paid someone a lot of money back when my son was still a kid to be able to take him on a camping trip in the back-country as a ‘normal’ non-disabled dad — just the two of us.

But that is not my life anymore – for 22 years as of today – and you can choose either to feel sorry for yourself and be continuously depressed or to move on with your life and make the best possible out of it despite of your disability. For the most part I feel like I have been on the latter path; though I can’t ignore that I have a bad day every now and then when I wish things would be different, but who doesn’t?

What has helped me the most is to stay busy and to remain productive even though that may be challenging at first when you are trying to adjust to your new life as a person with a disability. Being productive has allowed me to maintain a decent quality of life and has raised my self-esteem knowing that I am still able to provide for my family. I have a lot to be grateful for: I have a wonderful family with a supporting and totally committed wife and a great son and stepson. I have a job I like, I live in an accessible house in a beautiful area of the country with a climate I love, I still get to travel quite a bit, I have a converted van that I can drive, and I’m in pretty good health. I never could have thought 22 years ago that life could still be this good.

I do realize that life would be more of a struggle without the support of my wife who is always there for me when I need help. I may be a survivor and have a lot of determination to move on with my life after a disabling accident, but my life would never be as comfortable as it is now without her dedication and the sacrifices she constantly makes for me.

I am disabled and I cannot change that; I just have to accept it and live with it. But to some degree my disability also imposes many limitations on my wife, making her disabled also to some extent – she didn’t have to make this choice. She can’t go for a romantic stroll on the beach with her husband or we can’t jump out of bed in the spur of the moment to go for an early morning hike on a beautiful day because getting me up is a process. My first wife and I got married before my accident and she hadn’t signed up for the inconveniences of living with a quadriplegic. Though I have to thank her a lot too for all the support she gave me right after I became disabled, but after 10 years my first marriage turned into a divorce.

Sometimes I wonder why my current wife decided to marry me because living with a quadriplegic is not always easy. When I question her, she tells me that our bodily conditions are not that important because our bodies are just a vehicle to carry our soul. Our bodies are not who we are. I have always appreciated her perspective and the fact that she is able to look beyond my disability at the person who is inside my body. I love the bond and the partnership we have created even though I often feel I can never give back as much as she is giving me. But I do know that we have created something special together and sometimes I get reminded of that when my wife and I interact with other people who admire us for being able to live a fairly normal life despite of our challenges. Life is good!